Despite my affection for my mortal charges, I am also a vengeful god, wont to rain down furious anger when my noble spirit is threatened, and there exists no trespass against my unending kingdom like the news that some Hollywood jerkmachine has optioned Space Invaders for a feature film.
, the inexplicable celluloid treatment comes “courtesy of producers Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Odd Lot Entertainment’s Gigi Pritzker.” You know Bonaventura as one of the producers behind Michael Bay’s Transformers films, and Pritzker as one of the people responsible for greenlighting Frank Miller’s efforts to sodomize the memory of Will Eisner.
The film is still in the early planning stages — HR reports that the duo are currently searching for a writer — making this a perfect time to pose the question that’s been burning a hole in our collective minds since this article began: How, in the name of Louis Jacques Mandé Daguerre, do you make a film out of Space Invaders?
The game has no plot, no characters, and, in effect, no end. I’d pay cash money to see Paul Verhoeven spin the concept into a commentary on the plight of unwed mothers in Angola, but outside of a weird, Dutch take on the idea, I can’t imagine how this is supposed to work.
Then again, I said the same thing about World War II and Dracula, so maybe this whole “film” business is a bit over my head.
(Final gag shamelessly lifted from Phil Hartman, image shamelessly lifted from this dude.)
